All worked up
Tuesday. January 22, 2008
I'm all jumbled up lately. I want to be there for Zach, but he won't let me - I keep having to deal with Aidan and that reminds me of all sorts of regrets - and then when I try to find my husband so I can peel him off the walls, he's off with my best friend having a chat. I know I shouldn't be this jealous or insecure - and it's probably - no - it is coming from a place of guilt over what Aidan and I did, but sometimes I just need to be told how much Zach loves me - because I am so scared that I'll lose him.
Kendall,
Of course, you're all jumbled. But, I agree guilt is clouding your judgment. Zach needs you to be the woman for whom he came out of the hole. This guilt is interfering with that.
You gave Zach great advice on Monday - to look in your eyes and know he can tell you anything. Sweetie, it's time for you to take your own advice. As hard as it will be, please look Zach in the eyes and tell him.
He loves you.
Posted by: ritarn | January 23, 2008 at 07:57 AM
Kendall,
As Zach has always said "regrets are a waste of time". You need to forgive yourself and then give yourself permission to move on with the love of your life. Zach only has eyes for you and as he said, "I love you. Always have. Always will".
Posted by: MrsK | January 23, 2008 at 07:58 AM
Kendall,
You will not lose Zach! You will not allow it. What you said to Zach today about him being able to tell you anything, good or bad, can be said for him too. You can tell Zach anything. The two of you need to have a conversation (alone) about everything that has happened, so you can work through these issues together and come out of it even stronger as a couple!
Posted by: Jen | January 23, 2008 at 08:03 AM
Kendall,
Clearly there are still some things that are bothering Zach (and you too). The kind of trauma you both have been through the last several months especially for Zach as he spent weeks in that shelter can be overwhelming. I believe that his pushing you away is more of a defense mechanism because he too is so afraid of losing you. Both of you need reassurances and that can only be accomplished with some very much needed one on one. The two of you are so special and magical...definitely one of AMC's finer gems.
Posted by: HalfPint | January 23, 2008 at 08:05 AM
Kendall,
Zach's biggest fear has always been about losing you and so I am not surprised with all that you have been dealing with that you are too. You have always had this magical connection with each other...and I too want that back. It may take some time to get there but I have faith that with your persistence it will pay off.
Posted by: Brainerd | January 23, 2008 at 08:08 AM
Kendall, I really think you need to tell Zach everything. You just told him you want him to able to tell you anything, good or bad, you need to do the same for him.
He loves you, but you need to let him know where you are at and what you're feeling. The longer you put off really talking to him, the worse it will be. You really need to let him know what it was like for you while he was gone, alone and afraid and seeing everyone else just humoring you about everything going to be okay. It will be hard, but the love you and Zach share is to strong to let this mess you up.
You need to work through this together without the help of your "best friend" and her boyfriend.
Team Slater - Forever
Posted by: Lissa | January 23, 2008 at 08:21 AM
You and Zach have what many couples dream of - a trust, loyalty and connection beyond any other. Believe in that. Zach loves you, never doubt it.
You both have some things to sort out and share with each other. But you have gotten through tough times before, and I know you can do it now. Just keep telling him you are there for him, and remember (and believe) that he will always be there for you.
Always, only Team Slater.
Posted by: Mrs. L. | January 23, 2008 at 08:27 AM
Don't be insecure about Greenlee. Zach loves you, not her. But make sure Greenlee knows that YOU are his wife and she should spend time with her guy.
Keep telling Zach that you are there for him, and when he's ready, he will come to you. Believe in what the two of you have, keep the interlopers (Aidan and Greenlee) on the sidelines as much as you can, and focus on Zach. Together you can get through the pressures that are currently pushing those insecurity buttons of yours. With time, I truly believe you and Zach will be better than ever!
Posted by: Taurusgal | January 23, 2008 at 08:32 AM
Kendall,
Zach's love for the woman with "diamonds in her eyes" burns as bright as the sun. That kind of love just doesn't fade or go away. Some quiet time with just you, Zach and the boys would be the balm and "quiet simplicity" that you need and crave.
Posted by: MissUnderstood | January 23, 2008 at 08:49 AM
Zach does love you and only you and you are not going to lose him! Tell him what happened and work this out together. Be the strong, fierce woman I know you are and make him talk to you. You have a child and a marriage and a long history of making it through bad times together because nothing and no one can ever keep you apart.
Posted by: cmn | January 23, 2008 at 09:00 AM
Kendall,
Contrary to what Zach thinks I do believe that you have the capacity and what it takes to understand just what Zach went through in that bunker. Is it the same as living it? Of course not, but that doesn't mean Zach gets to shut you out. I am so glad you expressed your feelings in such a loving way.
Besides Myrtle you are the only one that knows just what's in Zach's heart. You didn't live his childhood...but you understand the pain he suffered because of Alexander. Although you weren't with Zach as he saw Ethan take his last breath, you knew how much he loved his son and that losing Ethan nearly killed Zach. But Zach's biggest fear ALWAYS has been about losing you and that hasn't changed.
Posted by: MeMe | January 23, 2008 at 09:02 AM
Kendall,
I understand you're feeling guilty over what happened with Aidan, but it seriously is not your fault. You were grieving. It's not uncommon for a grieving woman to turn to the person whose the closest at the moment. You love Zach and that's why you're feeling the way you're feeling and that's normal too! If you weren't feeling any remorse for what happened, then it would be a problem. Zach loves you with all his heart! And I know you love him too! Have faith in your relationship. You've both overcome obstacles that most couples wouldn't! You'll make it out of this one stronger than ever! You and Zach are meant to be together! You compliment each other and complete each other. You make one another a better individual! HAVE FAITH my dear!
Posted by: Tammy | January 23, 2008 at 09:10 AM
Kendall, you and the boys mean everything to Zach. Don't let outside influences and people trying to keep you guys apart get in the way of that. You know what's in each other's hearts. Your love is storng enough to survive anything. Look at all you've survived so far and what you two have accomplished together. Always, Only You...remember that.
Posted by: phyllisshnell | January 23, 2008 at 09:18 AM
Kendall, Zach will never give up on you, no matter what. I sure hope this ends soon, because I am so ready to see you & Zach have some quality time at your home with your boys & more sex, in a bed this time!
Posted by: Rowena | January 23, 2008 at 06:37 PM