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Wednesday, October 31, 2007
I am going to not think about the wicked witch of Pine Valley and just focus on my family. Right? That's what I should do. Take Spike trick or treatin' and put aside thoughts of plotting, revenge... but what if she's still planning something? Why did she go see Ryan? Forget it... I am going to put it way in the past. As long as she stays far away from me and my family, I have nothing to worry about...
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Today was incredible. Ian is growing so fast. Did you guys see him? He'll be out of that dank hospital in no time. And Spike! The fluid in his ears cleared up! It was just an ear infection, which means we can schedule his cochlear implant surgery as soon as possible. My little boy will be able to hear again. I can't wait to read to him, sing off-key to him, and tell him I love him just the way I used to. My two sons will be home and healthy before long... so maybe all of the bad stuff is behind us like Zach said. Maybe we can just focus on the future - because it's looking pretty bright. Yesterday I was so scared, angry, cold - and today... my family will be whole again, and I couldn't be anything but happy.
Monday, October 29, 2007
I almost went that far... I could have lost everything. And this time it would have been my fault - not Greenlee's. I almost lost my family... but Zach saved me... again. He always saves me. If I didn't have him... I'd be so lost. God, I love him. He understands me, pulls me back from the brink and he loves me - for me and all my out-there ideas. I'm just going to grab onto him and keep holding my happiness - because it's him and our family.
Friday, October 26, 2007
I hate lying to Zach - but he'll know the truth soon enough. I just can't wait any longer - this plan is kicking into action today. I'm nervous, afraid - but mostly I am relieved to finally be done with Greenlee and know that my family will be safe. Today... everything changes.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Of course I have second thoughts, doubts, fears - I have all of them a lot. And sometimes I think I can't even go through with what I have planned for Greenlee because it will change her life forever - drastically. Because it is something that may haunted me for a very long time... maybe even forever... but then she spews some crazy talk and I realize I HAVE to do this. I have to protect my family and get justice for my sons. Because if I don't - she's going to hurt us again. And knowing that scares me so much it forces me to shove all of the other stuff away and just do what I have to do. You know... being a mom sometimes means you have to be the bad guy... but being a mom always means you do it out of love for your children.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
It's exactly one week until Halloween and something spooky is about to happen... to Greenlee. Usually this time of year is about the ghosts coming out of the dark - but for once it's about putting the ghosts, demons and scary moments back into the closet - never to come out again.
Happy Halloween, Greenlee.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
I need more than Zach's assumption that Greenlee will get what's coming to her. I need results. I want her to feel every horrible emotion I've had to feel since my babies have been in danger, and I don't think I want her to stop feeling so terrible. I know how evil that may sound - but there is no evil in justice - and that's what I'm after here. I just want to give as good as I had to get...
Monday, October 22, 2007
Great! Now I have to deal with the Pit Bull Brit himself. A few more minutes and I would have done what I needed and slipped out before Aidan could interrogate me. What's wrong with him, anyway? Greenlee has him under some kind of spell. He was with Ryan when Spike was rescued - how could Aidan look at my little boy, bloody, in a car seat... and a few months later forgive Greenlee! And not just "let it go" forgive her - sleep with her, be with her - defend her! She steals my son's hearing when she took off with him and instead she gets another crack at love and Spike just ends up with "quiet". Not in my world! I am taking her down and God help Aidan if he gets in my way.
Friday, October 19, 2007
I could kill that miserable... UGH! Seeing Greenlee makes me want to throw my plan in the garbage and just annihilate her right here right now. But I have to keep going with my plan... it's the best way to make sure Greenlee can never hurt my children or my family again. She's so self-absorbed... going on and on about her babies... about Spike having brothers and sisters... she's deluded. So much so she actually thinks I want to "work through" our "problems" so we can be sisters again. That delusion is going to cost her big time... just you wait and see.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
I had to get all of that off my chest. I had to tell Greenlee - I do hate her. I do. I can't hide it anymore, not after finding out Spike may never be able to hear again. I wanted to put her through the pain of reliving the moment when my son lost his hearing. The terrible thing is I began to ache, too. I just have to cling onto the fact that Spike knew he was coming back to me... he knew he was on his way back to his mom.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Spike has to have that surgery. It's his only hope right now to be able to hear again. What if I waited too long? What if I'm the reason my son won't be able to ever... No. Zach's right. This has nothing to do with me. This all started that night when Greenlee decided to make a U-turn, steal my son and drive him into deafness. I hate that woman. I hate her for taking away a piece of my son... and I will hate her so much more if we can never get his hearing back...
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
The hardest thing any parent can go through is having to see your child in pain. I know that. It's a fact of life we are all too aware of. But I want to be clear - I want Spike to get the cochlear implant surgery. I am not holding out for any more miracle cures, or for time to heal all wounds - the only thing I am focused on is healing what we can with the cures we have available. But knowing Spike will have to go through yet another surgery... no matter how worth it the surgery is... as a mom, I just fear for my baby. I know you cn all understand. I just keep telling myself... focus only on the fact that at least there is a surgery to be done - it's not a hopeless cause... because if it were... that would make it unbearable for any parent...
Monday, October 15, 2007
It's so hard to be around Greenlee and NOT try to rip her head off. But I have to... for Spike, for me, for my family. I just want to flip out, but I can't. Not yet. God, she's so gullible, too. "Do you hate me?" "Nope." And she believes it. How could I not hate her for everything she's done? But her desperation to have "us" back the way we were makes it so easy to complete my plan... pretty soon... it'll all be over.
Friday, October 12, 2007
I hate not telling Zach everything I have planned for Greenlee - or any of it, really. But if I tell him, then he's going to want to take control and "fix" it, and I don't want him to get hurt in all of this. I don't want to put him in any kind of danger. No one knows Greenlee better than I do - and no one can take her down without going with her - like I can. So for Zach's sake, and for mine - he can't be involved. This is something I have to do for my babies - it's a job I'm not thrilled about, but it's necessary. Sometimes being a mom is the easiest and most natural thing in the world... and sometimes...
Thursday, October 11, 2007
I know that I'm the one typing these journal entries - but I also know what Greenlee would type if she were writing them. It's painful. Hearing her - in my mind - say these things I know she thinks. Hearing her believe she's Spike's mom, believe she will one day have her "son" back. The more I type, the more I hurt - the more rage I feel - but I have to continue my plan. No matter how much I hurt - it doesn't compare to the hurt she inflicted on my babies - and I will make sure my sons have justice.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Being in the hospital, seeing Greenlee... all of the pain, horror, confusion, fear comes flooding back to me. It almost sucks me under every time. I feel like I'm drowning. The smell of disinfectant mixed with the sight of Greenlee makes me want to scream and throw up all at the same time. I just think about the surgeries for Spike and Ian, my C-section, Spike's small head smeared with blood, Ian's frail body, Spike's world going quiet, Ian's world confined to a box and it makes me even thirstier for revenge. I'm a mother who will do anything for her children - I will protect them no matter what...
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
I would take the time to write a blog talking about the meaning of life, or something else equally important and profound, but to be quite honest... Zach and I are home and looking forward to some alone time. So while you all are watching Dancing With The Stars - we'll be making love under them. Hope you all understand. Details to follow... :-)
Monday, October 8, 2007
That bitch! What is with these women...? Greenlee tried to steal my son... Hannah tried to sleep with my husband so she can have his child... Newsflash! Zach and I are happy together. And my kids have a mom who loves them - no need for duplicates. There's zero room for anyone else at our inn, folks. And Zach certainly doesn't want some sort of dual life with a different family. God, can Greenlee and Hannah spell the word 'd-e-s-p-e-r-a-t-e'? You know what the best part is? The two of them actually think they'll succeed - taint our family - steal our happiness... But no one can touch us, and the love we have for each other, our children... Always, only The Slaters.
Friday, October 5, 2007
So that was weird. When Josh and I walked in it was like time stood still. Obviously, Zach and Hannah were in the middle of something - but what? The covert looks from Hannah all night, the way she tensed up every time we mentioned Spike or Ian... the woman came back to town for something... it just better not be what I think it is. Well, I'm going to find out what was up with that weird "goodbye" email she sent and her very bizarre "hello" tonight.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
I got to feed Ian! Did you guys see? I was so scared at first. He's still such a little guy... but Josh had faith I'd be okay. I was just... I know I haven't been the world's best mom lately. That's not a secret. And we all know I've made so many mistakes in the past few months... I just didn't want to make another one today. But feeding my son... it was one of the most amazing... I can't get over it. We had some mommy, me and the bottle makes three time, and it meant everything. When I think of how tiny and fragile he was... Ian's come such a long way... but there were so many times - his birth, his surgeries... and now he's getting bigger and stronger every day. Ian just makes the world seem right-side up when I look at him. Does that make sense? Or am I just a proud mom?
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Of all the low down, dirty tricks... my mother was totally trying to snow me! I should have expected something a bit dramatic from her, but pretending to give in to her addiction... That's way too far. I know Erica loves me... And I'll be the first to admit - what I am doing, if not executed properly, could end not so great. But... this is me we're talking about - I am making sure there's no room for error. I will dot all my I's and cross all my T's. Justice will happen for Spike, for Ian - for all of us, if it's the last thing I do. And now that I know my mother is going to try and stop this train... I had to call Bianca for backup.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
So Greenlee can push my buttons... I admit it. The mere sight of her makes me want to flip out. But I sure know how to cover the hate pretty well. "Pretending hurts me, too, Greenlee." Yeah. Pretending to actually like the woman who hurt my family. The woman has no tact either - did she need to spell out w-e-i-r-d to Ava about Jonathan proposing? Our resident diva-in-training was a mess - and Greenlee damn near sent her tumbling over the edge. Ugh. You know how it is when you hate someone - every little thing Greenlee does adds fuel to the five alarm fire I feel for her. I can't wait till she's extinguished.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Mission accomplished. That was a close call, but the job is complete. Now I can set Greenlee up for a very big fall... from the comfort of my own home. She has no idea what's coming next...
