Talkin' to myself

Friday, August 10, 2007

Inner monologues. Sometimes they can be intelligent debates, to-do lists, rants and raves - and sometimes inner monologues are the only conversations you can really have. That's what today was like. There's nothing new to say, no new ideas to talk about with my family. We were all just... waiting, terrified, hopeful, practical - we were all just there - prisoners of time and circumstance. So what do you do when y0u've got nothing but time? You talk to yourself. You think about the things that worry you - you think about life. That's what we all did because that's all we could do.

Comments

[Barb NY]

Kendall..Stop feeling guilty about Spike and Ian. None of this is your fault. You did what you had to do so that your baby could have the best chance to be born alive. You didn't want Spike scared so you sent him with Greenlee. You did what you thought was best for your son. You had no way of knowing what Greenlee would do. Spend time with Ian. Don't hide from him. He will feel your love. He needs his mother as much as Spike does. I think that Zach needs to see you with Ian and needs to know how much you love him. He's going through a really bad time too. The two of you have to support each other so that you can get through the waiting. Be there for Zach as he has always been there for you.

[Annie]

Oh Kendall, you were breaking my heart today, you really were. You, Zach, Erica, Annie and even Jackson were just all so focused on what you were thinking, and made me feel your pain so much.
Just continue to hold on to Zach and keep the faith that your babies will both be well and back home, in your arms where they belong

[Bonnie]

Yes Kendall you always have Hope. and with Hope and Love you get thru it. You have more strength than you can imagine. When you are called on to carry on you somehow do - You have to. You smile and give hope to your boys and your husband too. they all need you as much as you need them. Prayers to you all.

[Jules]

Your inner monologue was heartbreaking, but enlightening, Kendall. I'm glad that we now understand why you're more reluctant to go see Ian. But you're wrong to blame yourself for causing this by putting Spike in Greenlee's care, and you sure didn't show preference for one child over the other when you made that decision. You trusted too much. You believed that Greenlee was a better person that she is. You were duped, and that's not your fault.

I wish you could hear what Zach's inner voice is saying. It seems to me that you and he need to talk about what you're feeling, and you need to become aware of what he's feeling, too. I know that you two can overcome all problems and bad news if you just talk honestly with each other.

[CindK]

Kendall,

I loved the whole concept today because it was a great way to share the innermost thoughts of all the players and a real eye opener.

As soon as you felt the walls closing in on you, you knew instinctively that you would be safe with Zach. Zach was all about making sure you and the family you created together stays safe and protected...he wants to make sure the light from your eyes never fades.

Erica asking for Mona's help so she could help you was very touching.

I don't think I could hate Greenlee any more than I do at this moment...I wonder what Annie could of possibly done to make her as reviled as Greenlee?

[MrsK]

Kendall,

The monologes were quite fascinating and none more than yours and Zach's.

Guilt and fear have been your constant companion...and considering what you have been going through it is very understandable. However, that guilt should not be yours to bear because you did nothing wrong. You had no choice but to ask Greenlee to brink Spike to the hospital...and it made perfect sense to have Babe with you. You need to know that thanks to your fast thinking Ian was born alive. The only person who let you and your family down is up until today in total denial.

Greenlee and her actions are solely responsible for Spike's injuries and hearing loss. No wonder you hate her. Although it took her return to the accident scene and seeing Spike's blood to finally admit even to herself what she had done.

Loved Zach talking about how Spike showed him he could be good at the "daddy thing" and how Ian would be the first to carry the Slater name...and that with you in his life it's a name he can be proud of and how it's up to him to keep your family safe. And I know he will.

[HalfPint]

Kendall,

Aw...no need to feel guilty about Ian...time was of the essence...and because you got to the hospital in time Ian has a fighting chance. At the same time there was no way anyone could of predicted what lengths Greenlee would go to and take Spike. You did not choose one child over the other. You did what any mother would of done under the circumstances.

It took Greenlee returning to the scene of her crime to finally realize the reason Spike is not hers is because she is the one that rejected him and walked away.

Zach also understands that Ryan is the one that put this chain of events in motion and that Ryan blames himself as well. Loved how everything Zach does and whatever rules he plays by are always for his family...and because you believe in him...he will do whatever needs to be done to keep the light from fading from your eyes.

[perky]

Wonderful show. Thorsten and Alicia were both amazing. Thorsten belongs on the stage. The man can act and I thank you for showcasing that. Alicia is doing a remarkable job.

This definitely proved Cam need acting lessons.

Kudos to Susan, Melissa and Walt.

[Anne]

Wow, today was very insightful. We got to hear what everyone was thinking.

You have to quit blaming yourself for everything. Zach is so worried he is losing you, the light that he promised to protect in your eyes is fading and there is nothing he can do.

You two have to hang on tight to each other and your boys will be fine.

The real blame lands on Greenlee and mainly Ryan cause he started this ball rolling by jumping off the cliff in the first place.

[Bobbi]

To Kendall

I also have that with myself from time to time, the monologues. I know that you're scared for Spike and Ian, but don'y worry too much. Spike and Ian don't want to see you in depress mode and neither does Zach or your family. They would want you to be patience and calm. Do it for Spike and Ian. They would want their mom to be as patience as she can be.

[sierra]

I had those conversatins a lot a few years back sometimes you get the best answers or the most hope from self dialogue and when all else fails it reminds you that you are in fact sane and that some how there is light at the end of the tunnel.