Reclaim

Monday, August 27, 2007

I am losing it without my babies. I know I agreed to let Ryan take care of  Spike for now, but I can't go on without being a mom - a "right there, in your face" mom - to at least one of my boys. That woman in the hospital today... at least she understood this sense of loss I feel. It's overwhelming - to be separated from your child... there is this nagging achy feeling in your arm where you should be holding them. Or you can almost hear them cry for you, but you know they aren't in the other room. Then there's the constant fear: Where are they?  What if someone took him? Again. I just had to feel closer. Not as far away from that mother's love. I know that woman's child is not a replacement for either of my sons, but for a second, when I thought hard enough, I imagined how Ian would feel if I could hold him... That's it, I don't care what Ryan thinks, Spike is coming home me - today! Spike needs me, and I really need him.

Comments

[Tigereye]

Kendall,

You're going through what no parent should have to, and you've got double the dose with both your boys facing health issues. But I'm also worried about *you*, and I'm not the only one. Zach is too. You have to make sure you're taking care of yourself as well, for your family's sake.

[CindyK]

Kendall,

If Spike being home makes you feel better,than I think that what's you should do...just remember to get your rest and eat healthy so you can be the "in the face" kind of mom you want to be to both of your boys.

Ryan talking about your decision making skills irked me...because he's the king of impulsiveness.

Ryan and Annie moving into your home is asking for trouble with a capital "T". The best solution would be to have Rachel be a "live in" nanny. Spike already knows her and trusts her and it wouldn't mess up his routine. It also would allow you to visit Ian whenever you wanted or were needed.

[MrsK]

Kendall,

I don't know why Ryan is beating around he bush...he's usually very blunt when it comes to talking to you...but his defensivenss about you taking Spike back home makes it very clear he just doesn't trust you or your judgment.

Annie was right in that Ryan should of consulted her about Spike living with them...because that possibly could put Spike in danger...as something in Annie's past has got her spooked and it's about to catch up with her. And what's up with her thinking she can just up and leave with Spike? That would be the last thing you need right now and would make her and Ryan the impulsive ones.

[HalfPint]

Kendall,

I love how supportive and understanding Zach has been through all this...he knows and understands just how much your world has been turned upside down. And bless the woman in the hospital for allowing you to hold her child...I don't think I would be so understanding to a total stranger.

And what is it with Ryan? Apparently as long as it's his idea to take Spike everytying is a-okay. When you want him back in your arms suddenly it's now a bad idea? Why would he think you are taking his son from him...you are only bringing Spike back to where he's aways been...with you and Zach.

Annie needs to be more forthcoming because she is still holding on to some sort of secret that has her freaking out...just hope this doesn't put your family in danger...I think you've already have enough on your plate to deal with.

[Brainerd]

Kendall,

So Ryan believes in no uncertain terms that your judgement has been impaired and that you are acting impulsively? Guess taking a child from his mother's arms, bringing Spike to his home without consulting Annie doesn't count as an impulsive decision?

And what's with Annie and the real reason she doesn't want Spike living with her and Ryan? The suggestion to move in with Zach and you serves her own agenda and has little to do with Spike. If her secret puts any of the Slaters in danger or harms way...I personally will come to Pine Valley to kick her all the way to Llanview.

[Jules]

I don't think you're losing it, Kendall. You're a mother who's exhausted, just had a baby, just had bad news after bad news heaped on you, and you feel utterly helpless. You know that wandering into strangers' hospital rooms is an odd thing to do. You know that some things you'd said to that new mother are unusual for you to say. If you can identify this type of unusual behavior and acknowledge it for what it is, how far off can you be?

You need rest, and you need to go home and be with Zach. But I will agree that maybe what you also need is to be close to one of your sons, and the logical choice is Spike. I also don't care what Ryan thinks. You're not a danger to Spike, and you need him as much as he needs you. I'm glad that Zach's on your side and fighting for what will help you the most. You two will get through this ordeal, and I'm confident you'll be a stronger couple for it.

[Barb NY]

Kendall..I feel so badly seeing you like this. I know it's really hard for you to be separated from your babies. You know that very soon as soon as he gains a little more weight, you will be able to hold and feed Ian. That will make you feel much better. If Spike comes home with you and Zach, you need to have live in help with him. You need to have someone care for him so that you can visit Ian and so that you can rest and get stronger. You've been through a lot and it's understandable that you are anxious. You have to catch up on your sleep and start eating so that you can regain your strength so that when the time is right you will be able to care for both your sons. Zach is so concerned about you and loves you so much that he will do all in his power to get you through this time.

[Becky, Brandon, MS]

Oh,Kendall. I know you're lonely without Spike.I understand he's your world.
But,girl,you need to rest. Couldn't you just get about 2 or 3 nights of good sleep THEN bring Spikey back home.I'm worried about you...really!

[Sharon]

The sweetest thing that happened today was the realization that you do love Zach & he is still important to you & that was
sorely needed because he has been thru just as much
as you have & needed desperately to hear that!
Hold tight to Zach & I know you two will be ok.
He always loves you so & always has your best interests at heart & always knows exactly what
you need!

[Anne]

Kendall, you did kind of scare me today and Zach, but when you explained how you felt, it made sense. That woman was very kind to let you hold her baby. Zach saw the fear in you and knew you needed to be with Spike. Ryan's being an ass as usual. Spike is your son and belongs at home.

Soon you will be able to hold Ian and it will be wonderful. For now hold onto Zach and Spike. Zach will always keep you safe.

[Sarah]

Kendall,

I don't care what Ryan thinks either. Right now, you need Spike and Spike needs you.

It was so sad watching you with that woman, but I think holding her baby helped you. I know that you desperately want to hold onto Ian and Spike and never let them go. Ian is getting stronger and bigger everyday and soon, you will be able to hold him.

Your fear is reasonable and expected given your situation. Your best friend, Greenlee brought that fear to you when she kidnapped Spike. Hopefully, in time, that fear will lessen.

You aren't alone in this. Zach is right there with you. Both of you will be there for your sons.

[Becky]

Kendall,

I know you need your babies in your arms and that Spike is the only one you can hold right now but everyone is trying to help you take care of your other son, to be there for him. Ryan needs time with Spike too. I hope that things work out between you and Ryan and Spike and I know that little Ian will pull through this tough time. Just look who is father is :)

[Sami]

To Kendall

I know you want to be with them at all times, but look at yourself. You're about to fall apart and you also need rest. You have to listen to Zach when he saids you need to relax and be calm. And yes, Spike should definitely be with you. However, you need to take care of yourself first. The last thing you need is for your family to worry about you. They don't need that kind of stress and neither do you. Once rested, you can get Spike back and also get the chance to hold Ian when he's well and healthy. But first, take care of yourself and rest.