Okay
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
I don't even know what else to say. And I am so sick of crying. But what do I do? What does any mother do? Does anyone have advice? Something for me to try? A new way to think, feel, fix what's wrong with my babies? I keep thinking... "Did I ask for this"? "Maybe if I was a better person..."? But that's crazy, right? I have so many regrets... but none of that matters if my sons aren't okay. Nothing matters unless my sons are okay! So why can't they just be...
Kendall,
What you're feeling is normal, but you need to give yourself a break. You didn't do anything wrong. None of this is your fault. While I am able and willing to point fingers, that's not what you need at the moment. Right now, what you need to do is be strong for BOTH you're boys and know you have the greatest support system in the world: your family. Zach and Erica and Josh and Bianca in Paris. They will help you, Ian and Spike through this.
Posted by: Tigereye | August 07, 2007 at 08:40 PM
The first thing you need to do, young lady, is get some rest.If you can't do it on your own, your doctor needs to sedate you. Once you rest,you will be better able to handle the situation.You will grieve because things aren't as you planned.Then you will make a new plan.
You can't do that running on fumes.The best thing you can give Spike and Ian right now is a healthy mom.
Keep on like this and you'll be that little padded cell that Dixie once occupied.What good will you be to your children then?
Posted by: Becky, Brandon, MS | August 07, 2007 at 08:52 PM
Kendall,
Once the shock wears off and you have some time to process what this all means along with other tests that may be done you'll continue to be the best mom and wife possible...and Spike's champion as well as Ian's. Whatever it takes...whether that is calling in the best doctors and finding the best equipment I know your sons can count on you and Zach.
When Erica told you that she would stay with you as long as needed and that Spike may be your baby but that "you're mine", I cried as well.
The best part was seeing first Zach and then yourself finally being able to smile at the opportunity to feed Ian. Very sweet.
Posted by: CindyK | August 07, 2007 at 08:55 PM
Kendall,
Having a child with a disability can be devastating...especially at first as you will come to terms of what Spike's hearing loss means...but it doesn't have to stay that way. Annie seems to have some experience in this area as she told Ryan that that the four of you along with all those who love Spike will make sure he has a happy and full life. Right now the best defense is to find out as much information as you can.
Loved seeing you smile (Zach too) as you each took turns feeding Ian. Erica really got to me today...especially as she prayed talked about Ian having the fire of his mother and the will of his father. That's a wonderful combination. Keep the faith.
Posted by: MrsK | August 07, 2007 at 09:05 PM
Kendall,
Zach knows you so well...telling you that you are a lot stronger than you know. Not only will you face whatever is in store for Spike and make sure that everything possible is done for him but so will Zach.
Very touching scene at seeing Zach learning to feed Ian and then showing you that while you can't breastfeed Ian that you can and are giving him the nourishment he needs.
Like Ryan I think most parents do try and be the best they can be...even those of us that had great parents. But because there is no such thing as a perfect parent...no child will ever have the "perfect life". I do commend him for trying. Just as Zach is your rock, Annie will support Ryan. I love that Erica is in your corner too.
Posted by: HalfPint | August 07, 2007 at 09:19 PM
HAVE FAITH!
Posted by: JENNIFER | August 08, 2007 at 02:39 AM
Kendall, your boys will be okay. Don't give up now. They still have so much fighting to do and you have to be there to help them.
I know you want to be with Spike 24/7 but Zach had to point out that you do have two sons and the other one is in dire straits too. You're not a horrible mother. You're just exhausted and you can't be in two places at one time and it is hard to choose. No mother should have to choose.
It was great seeing you and Zach feeding Ian, bonding more with him. You and Zach will give him the strength to survive.
Have Faith, your boys will be okay!!!!!
Posted by: Anne | August 08, 2007 at 03:46 AM
Kendall..Don't even think that anything that happened to your babies is because you're not a good person. Nothing is your fault. You are a great mom. You are doing as much for your boys as you can. You just have to divide your time equally and spend as much time with each boy that you can. They know that you are there for them and that you love them. You are living a terrible nightmare and any parent would be upset and scared. You are doing as much as you can for Spike and Ian. You are providing the best medical care for them that there is. Zach and Erica are there for the boys and for you. Have faith and pray for their recovery.
Posted by: Barb NY | August 08, 2007 at 06:31 AM
Okay Kendall, pick yourself up...brush yourself off....and be the Mom that all your viewers know you are. This is now the time to show your sons and everyone else that Kendall is not only a great business woman, great friend, great daughter and a great wife but she is a great Mom too. I understand your worries, your pain, your concerns, but no more tears. No more Kendall the victim. It's during times like these that we as Moms step up and take charge. Take charge Kendall..show Pine Valley and your viewers what the Kane women are really made of.
Posted by: Diane P | August 08, 2007 at 06:47 AM
Kendall
I am sorry for what you are going through. I understand everything you are going through all I can say is it will get better very soon.
Love
April
Posted by: April | August 08, 2007 at 06:53 AM
Dear Kendall
Hang in there for just a little longer. Soon, they'll be back with you in no time. I pray for those two to be ok and that they'll get better and they will be in great better health. You've got to believe in them. They are however their mother's sons and that's what makes them tough.
Posted by: Sheriden | August 08, 2007 at 07:36 AM
Kendall - be strong -- The boys will strive from your strength. Just keep Greenlee away from the boys and your family all together
Posted by: andrea | August 08, 2007 at 01:08 PM
Kendall...
You are not a bad mother - not in any shape or form. You love your boys more than anything and would do anything for them.
I know you feel incredibly helpless right now and you do not know which way to turn. All you can do is trust that the doctors are doing everything they can to help your boys heal, that they are surrounded by people who love them and that gives them the strength they need to fight.
Kendall, you need to take care of yourself. You need to eat, sleep and give yourself a break. And know that you can spend time with both of your sons and when you are not with one of them, someone else is.
Your sons need you to be strong for them, that means taking care of yourself.
Kristen
Posted by: Kristen | August 08, 2007 at 01:13 PM