Getting past the fear
Thursday, August 16, 2007
I keep seeing her. Greenlee is everywhere. And now, because of her, my tiny son saw me freak out and leave him. I am just so scared she is going to hurt Spike. What happened today cannot happen again. I want to feed Ian. I want to be with him all the time. And I am sick of being scared to leave any of my sons. So how do I get this fear I have out of me? How do I give both my sons the attention they deserve??
First, you need to open up to Zach more. He doesn't understand what you're feeling. Yes, he knows you've been traumatized over what happened to Spike, but he's seeing you reject Ian, and it would be hurtful for any husband to see his wife treat their son that way.
Next, you have to have faith in Zach, and in Spike, too. He will hear again, but you can't fix him, Kendall. Once you start to accept that Spike will live a great life just the same, you can start to focus on Ian, who desperately needs to see you (or at least feel your presence) and hear your voice.
You believe in Zach, and despite his confusion, he believes in you, too. Work with him and trust him to understand all you're feeling, and don't take your marriage for granted as you struggle through this.
Posted by: Jules | August 16, 2007 at 02:23 PM
Kendall
I know that you want to be there for your two sons, but to do that, you have to be calm. Don't let Greenlee get to you. To be there for them is to stay patiently. That way your sons will know that you're looking out for them. Just do it one at a time. If you do that, it'll help you calm down. Those two sons of yours are fighters and they would want you to stay calm. Have faith that a miracle will come to them.
Posted by: Sheriden | August 16, 2007 at 02:26 PM
Kendall..You have been through a terrible ordeal and are still under a lot of stress. Sit down with Zach and explain exactly how you feel to him. You and he need to support each other and work through this. I think you need some professional help. Many woman, after having a baby need counselling. You have had many more problems connected with this delivery than is normal. It's not unexpected that you need some help. You and Zach together can get through this. Don't let Greenlee ruin the wonderful life that you and Zach and your sons can have.
Posted by: Barb NY | August 16, 2007 at 02:37 PM
Kendall,
I think you're just going to have to have faith that things will get better. That and ask that Zach provide body guards for you and your family. Otto and Bruno need to make a return appearance.
Posted by: Tigereye | August 16, 2007 at 03:13 PM
Kendall, your fear is understandable but come on. Hire guards, whatever. But you need to make time for Ian. You are really hurting your husband and Ian. Stop obsessing over the one son. Ian is waiting for you. So is Zach.
Posted by: ranger1 | August 16, 2007 at 03:32 PM
Kendall, no one is going to let Greenlee hurt Spike ever again, so you don't need to fear! Instead, concentrate on your sons, and give them all the love and attention, that they need from you right now! Put Greenlee out of your mind completely, she doesn't deserve one minute of your thoughts! Ian and Spike needs you, and so does Zach.....Please stay strong!
Posted by: Zen Fan | August 16, 2007 at 04:16 PM
The first thing you do is sleep.You are one sleep deprived little mama and, believe me, Kendall. Sleep deprivation can do strange things to a person.Add to that the traumatic stress you've suffered and you have a recipe for disaster.
You can't be with Spike AND Ian at the same time, and neither one 24/7.Let
Ryan and Annie help with Spike. They need it and he needs it. That will give you a chance to spend just a little more time with Ian and Zach.
The other thing, have them put a security bracelet on Spike's leg.That way, if anyone tries to snatch him, bells will ring and whistles will blow... which is what Greensleaze should do....blow....Pine Valley.
Posted by: Becky,Brandon,MS | August 16, 2007 at 04:46 PM
Kendall,
Faith. That's how you do it. Picture that happy and whole life Zach talked about with you and your family.
Watching you and Zach taking care of and supporting one another is truly amazing...no one, not even Greenlee...can touch that. Always. Only you.
Posted by: CindyK | August 16, 2007 at 06:54 PM
Kendall,
Just take it one day at a time...and days like today truly take my breath away. I adore how you both trust completely in each other...how I loved seeing you both looking out for each other. Loved Zach massaging your feet and shoulders...but you are so right...Zach needs some loving too. So sweet to see you both smiling again.
Posted by: MrsK | August 16, 2007 at 07:00 PM
A Mother's love will surround both children as will their father's. The children need to be together in the same room at all times. They both need your love together as that builds a strong relationship between them. The children can give eachother strength!!!
Posted by: Linda | August 16, 2007 at 07:07 PM
You will be a GREAT mother, even though you don't feel like one at the moment. And don't worry about Greenlee. Greenlee will get EVERYTHING she deserves!
Posted by: Mikki | August 16, 2007 at 07:09 PM
Kendall,
Don't stop believing or trusting in your strength...loved when you told Zach that you had faith in him...always. As someone who has faith in the two of you...even in the middle of all the chaos together you certainly know how to brighten any room...and today was no exception. Keep the faith.
Posted by: HalfPint | August 16, 2007 at 07:11 PM
I think you should trust Zach and let him take care of Greenlee...
Posted by: Steph | August 17, 2007 at 07:35 PM
Kendall, You need to talk with Zach or maybe Joe Martin about these fears of yours. They are keeping you from spending time with Ian. You need to be spending as much time, if not more, with Ian than you do with Spike. Remember Spike has Ryan and Annie, Ian has you and Zach.
Posted by: Anne | August 19, 2007 at 02:29 PM