Overcome

Monday, July 30, 2007

I'm so exhausted but I can't rest - not until my babies are okay. Spike's already been cut up from surgery, and now he has this terrible infection. And my newbie - he's so tiny, so fragile and he has a hole in his heart. When is enough enough? It's not fair. Greenlee is hobbling around and my children are hurt, sick - they have organs that need "repair" and all of our hearts are permanently damaged because of what she did. What do I do? I'm not a surgeon. I'm not an anti-biotic. What do my children need to make it through this whole? I love them so much - but it's not enough... it never seems to be enough. And I keep thinking if I just love harder... it'll fill the hole in his heart or get rid of the infection - but it doesn't matter. And the waiting - waiting for Spike to wake up, waiting to hear him give us his Spike-scream... waiting for my newborn to come through his surgery. His skin was so... I could see his heart beating... and it felt like mine has stopped.

Comments

[CindyK]

Kendall,

My heart continues to break right along with yours and Zach's too. I know you are both overwhelmed right now...your love for each other and the love of your family will be your guide and your strength. You may not be able to hold either of your children right now, but I know they feel your love.

Joe gave Erica sound advice when he told her that even grown up children need our comfort because they will always be our children. Erica continues to surprise and amaze me in her support of you and your family...as it should be. I was balling like a baby right along with you as she got in bed next to you stroking your hair.

And poor Zach...as he listened to the message from Myrtle and lost it...I just wish he had someone there to help him through this...I know he's trying so hard to keep it all together for you, Baby Slater and Spike too.

[Becky, Brandon, MS]

Erica was right today,Kendall.You need to download.All that pent up emotion will send you off the deep end.We hate to see our children hurt.We hate to face the reality that we cannot protect them from everything in life.Get it all out.Lean on your momma right now.She needs to be needed so use her shoulders...and
pray...pray for your babies
..pray for the doctors and the surgeons and the nurses...and let those around you love you.

[MrsK]

Kendall,

No matter what Pine Valley throws at you and Zach you're gonna get through it. Hope is always there...don't lose it now.

I may hate Greenlee and what she has done, but I do understand Jack not turning his back on her. Just as Joe mentioned our children may grow up, but they will always be our children and need our support. Jack also needed a hard dose of reality to see just what havoc Greenlee's actions have caused. Seeing Baby Slater in the NICU was a good start. There is no justification for what she has done...which is why I loved Josh when he told Greenlee "guilt is a b**ch".

AMC just keeps getting better and better thanks to standout performances by yourself, Erica and Zach. Today was no exception. I cried right along with all of you.

[HalfPint]

Kendall,

Love how strong Erica's love for you is...couldn't help but cry seeing the picture of the Kane women and her comment about Mona because I remember how hard you and Erica both have fought to get to this place.

So glad that Myrtle called to check up on Zach...although he broke my heart as well...especially with Myrtle not well he seemed all alone. Just know that as long as you and Zach keep the faith you will never walk alone. I continue to believe that both of your boys are miracles and Amelia is also watching out for them along with Mona.

[Anonymous]

Kendall,

You are so right...it isn't fair that your littlest one is fighting for his life even before heart surgery or that Spike was injured, needing his spleen repaired and now has an infection. Sometimes like today a good cry helps. You have never been a quitter, and I know you won't be now so hand on to Zach and his love. Sometimes hope is all we have.

[Brainerd]

Kendall,

Both you and Zach look so lost...but as shown those we love can be a great source of strength. Both Erica and Myrtle really came through for you both and will continue to give you the strength YOU need to be there for each other and your children. Let them be your guide for they will not fail you and you will not fail Spike or Baby Slater.

[ranger1]

Kendall, you are a wonderful mother and don't doubt it. My heart aches for you and Zach. I can't imagine being in your shoes right now. Please open your heart for Zaby. I think you are steeling yourself against losing him. When you feel better please, please try to be there for Zach too.

[Jules]

You make me cry every single day, especially when you're with your mom, Kendall. You're going through so much hell, and it's unbearable watching you, let alone being you. But you have alot of things going for you: Bianca's support, Erica's unwavering strength, your Kane genes, your own survival instincts which you've given to both your boys, and most of all, a husband who shows, time and again, that nothing is more important to him than you and his family. Don't forget him in all this. Zach is suffering, too, but he's doing it silently, and as Myrtle said, this time, you're able to help him out when he needs you most. As your boys stabilize and things (hopefully) improve, don't forget to look after him, too.

[Laura]

Kendall, My heart goes out to you, Zach, Erica and the boys. I am so glad that Erica was there for you, I wish Zach had somene there for him. You need to take care of yourself and Zach, the doctors and nurses are taking care of the boys. Hang in there, everything will be ok.

[Judi]

Kendall,

You have to believe that your boys are going to come through this! It will be rough for a while, but you have Zach. He needs you as much as you need him. Hang tough, lean on Zach and let him lean on you.

[Sheriden]

Kendall

Just hang in there. Those two will make it, I know they will. All you need to do is keep loving them. They will know that their mother loves them so much and will never stop loving them.

[Martha]

You can do it