Keeping my eye on the prize

Friday, September 8, 2006

Bad day went to even worse in no time. Seeing Zach with Spike takes this whole sucky situation to a whole new level. I know he loves Spike. Spike loves Zach. I even know Zach loves me. That, I am not debating at all. But trust - he lied to me. Again. I asked him flat out what's his deal about Greg. Said he didn’t bury Greg. Again. He asked me, and I had to say it out loud - I am taking Tad's word over his. There's no other way to slice it - our marriage is falling apart. "Always only you." That's what it says on my wedding ring, but there's me in his heart and then there are all these secrets he won't let me in on. Secrets that affect us. No matter what he thinks.

It's so hard to keep it together right now. So hard to stay strong - even for Spike. But that's when Ryan helps -- holds what's most important right in front of me. Spike. I needed Ryan to stay - I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts. They're too scary, too real. So instead we focused on the best part of any of this mess - our son. My baby boy is what's right in my world and that's something that will never change.

Comments

[Tigereye]

Kendall,

I know your hurting and confused right now and you're going with what you think is "safe" and familiar. Don't fall into that trap! You know in your heart of heart's you love and believe in Zach. Keep on holding to that.

[CaliGirl]

Kendall, I agree you shouldn't be a dumb-dumb! But you asked Zach point blank several times and he continues to deny killing or burying Greg Madden. It seems to me you keep asking him because you already don't believe him! You trust Ryan even though he snuck into your house on some pretense and searched Zach's closet, and you believe Tad who is so bitter it makes my mouth pucker when he walks into a room. You're putting your faith in the wrong two men! Zach has been honest with you and as before, YOU are letting him down!

[Kelsie]

Kendall you need to quit being afraid of totally giving your love to Zach. Your not going to screw up, he isn't going to leave you. He loves you, only your. Trust yourself! As far as Ryan, he is playing you like a finely tuned instrument. You need to open your eyes and see he has an agenda!

[Jules]

The way that Zach loves you and Spike is beautiful and rare. I know you have trust issues with Zach, but you have to find a way to work through them. As for Ryan, you can't just forget that he's in love with you and ask for his help. You won't get an unbiased answer from the guy, and you're putting him in a tough position as well. You're listening to your fears, when you should be listening to your heart. Go to Zach and try to work things out. You two belong together.

[CindyK]

Kendall,

I was very proud of you today for not going off on Zach. He loves both you and Spike with all his heart. I was disappointed that you took Tad's word over Zach's however. Zach is keeping secrets--not lying to you. I think the reason he is keeping those secrets is because he DOESN'T want to lie.

If you and Ryan want to spend time with Spike, go for it. If you are asking Ryan for advice regarding Zach or your marriage...you should rethink that. It's the same as Zach asking Dixie for advice. Ryan AND Dixie both have a vested interest in the outcome of your marriage. With Zach possibly behind bars and out of the way...Ryan could take advantage of the situation, although I did agree with him when he said that Zach is the reason that Spike is here.

While you are alone with your thoughts think of your coma when Zach faced the possible death of you, possibly himself, and a life without you. He never gave up on you or Spike. Always. Only you.

[Bea]

You need blind faith. Yeah, it looks bad for Zach BUT it can be easy to frame someone which is what happened to Zach. I believe Zach is innocent and you need to also. He loves you and Spike with all of his heart and wouldn't do anything to purposely hurt you.

[Kristen]

Kendall...

Zach loves both you and Spike. He came to see Spike because he misses him and I know he misses you too.

Kendall, I know that this is not something you want to hear right now, but I believe Zach is telling you the truth. I do not think he killed Madden. Is he keeping someting from you, yes, I believe he is.

You are right, he needs to understand that talking is important. You both have to let the other in.

Relationships take a lot of work from both parties. It involves looking at yourself and figuring out what you are doing. Kendall, I have to wonder if you are so terrified of being hurt again, that you jumped the gun to protect yourself and now are in this place of emptiness.

Spike is there yes and I am so happy that you have him. As for your thoughts, you cannot ignore them, but you also cannot ignore what is in your heart.

Your love for your husband and desire to be with him and only him.

Kristen

[Melanie]

Kendall:
Keep the faith. You and Zach love each other. You will work things out.

[Talia]

Have Faith! You and Zach are meant to be

[Karen]

I wish Zach could have had more time with Spike. Zach loves that little guy so much. When Zach said he loved him, I swear Spike said he loved Zach too. He surely said something happy. He was all smiles while Zach was holding him, telling him the Beauty and the Beast fairy tale and swaying with him. What a man. Too bad you have to believe Ryan and Tad over Zach. Oh yeah, Ryan doesn't want to say anything against Zach now that he has already told you about the CD he found while invading your and Zach's privacy and that Zach killed Madden. Too late for him to play the good, noble guy now. Once again, you are letting Ryan determine your future, just like you did on Divorce Island when you were ready to tell Zach that you didn't want the divorce and again at the MDBall when Ryan just insisted that you needed to know that Zach caused the blackout. Boy, what a friend. You can't see it, can you? The only man who has ever had your back is Zach. I really want to see you two work it out, but at this rate, Ryan will always be the one you trust and Zach would just be on the outside looking in and that just makes me so sad for him. He deserves so much more. Enjoy what you have with Ryan. I hope it's enough for you. Personally, I'd prefer to be alone, at least I could think for myself.

[Boonie]

Keeping your eye on the Prize - thats an interesting heading for your topic of the day!! You have a prize - Spike - and you have him because of Zach. Pure and simple. There would be NO Spike alive and well without Zach. Be thankful -- now why can't you trust ZAch, the man that took care of you and "the baby" helping you realize you wanted him, and then making sure when you were in the coma that THEY did not take Zpike. Why can't you trust him???? All he does is protect you. makes sure your baby is even born and then takes care of it. WOW what will it take. When he says he did not do anything to Madden - he means it. NOW Tad on the other hand -- what makes you believe him?? Why do you have such blind faith in him??? Trust, my friend your husband. and if you can't you best grow up before you loose it all. There are a lot of fish in the sea and you might not be the best catch for our MAHN

[SandyR]

Kendall:

I'm so glad you realize that Zach truly loves you and Spike both. I also understand why it's difficult for you to have faith in Zach right now after talking with Tad. He hasn't been open with you and it's hard to trust him. Please don't give up on Zach...he's losing control of this situation and he also fears losing you. I'm certain new facts will come to light to clear Zach. Just keep remembering the inscription on your ring - Always, Only You.

Ryan is a good friend right now, but don't let this friendship fool you into thinking it's more. You need and love Zach...just keep the faith!

[Dawn]

I love Kendall with Zach. I just wish that he would open up. He never really says what he should. "I love you and trust me" it does not say everything. He needs to say this is what I was doing that night and this is what me and Dixie were doing and this is why I have that tape. He doesn't even give her that. And what was up with the kiss with Dixie? That should have never happened. I just wish for once my favorite couple could figure it all out and be happy for more than one day. No lies.

[lori]

kendall you are so much better off without him you dont need zachs lies..ryan will always be there for you and spike cheer up ;)

[Sydsmom]

Kendall - I'll take love over trust anyday. Zach loves you. Zach loves Spike. He'll do anything for either of you. What more can you ask for.

As for Ryan, he has to tell you about the CD but now he does not want to help you deal with the results. Come on Kendall, this man has an agenda and its not helping you and Zach reunited.

Please keep remembering what you wedding rings say - "Always, only you." Don't forget it. Zach is all about you and whatever he can't tell you is all about you. Dump Ryan and run to Zach. As long as you have love or time trust will come.

Sydsmom

[Maddie]

Zach loves you and Spike with a passion, intensity and loyalty that you will never, ever be able to replace. Especially with someone as shallow as Ryan.

I'm very disappointed in you. You behaved horribly and I believe will regret your actions towards Zach very soon.

That man saved your life and your son's life - he would die for you. And, coming from Zach, that's not just cliche talking.

What could possibly possess you to believe Ryan (on a jealous whim) or Tad (on a destructive, distraught rant) over him?

[Kate]

Just hold on to your little baby boy and think of all the love and joy he has brought to you Kendall.Think about what Zach what through for you to have him, and to have you.

Spike has brought out the best in you, Ryan, and Zach, he taught all of you how to trust, how to be a family. Never loose that Kendall, never.

Kate